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Then this morning I went to the bookstore and bought
The Catcher
in the Rye. I’m sure the large part of me is Holden Caulfield, who
is the main person in the book. The small part of me must be the
Devil.
I went to the building. It’s called the Dakota. I stayed there
until he came out and asked him to sign my album. At that point my
big part won and I wanted to go back to my hotel, but I couldn’t.
I waited until he came back. He came in a car. Yoko walked past
first and I said hello, I didn’t want to hurt her.
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| John Lennon (AP) |
Then John came and looked at me and
printed me. I took the gun from my coat pocket and fired at him. I
can’t believe I could do that. I just stood there clutching the
book. I didn’t want to run away. I don’t know what happened to
the gun. I remember Jose kicking it away. Jose was crying and
telling me to please leave. I felt so sorry for Jose. Then the
police came and told me to put my hands on the wall and cuffed me.
Statement of Mark David Chapman to police at 1 a.m., Dec. 9, 1980,
three hours after the murder of John Lennon.
And I will not appeal any decision
you have. If it’s a decision to keep me here in the prison, I will
not appeal it, and I never will. I’d like the opportunity to
apologize to Mrs. Lennon. I’ve thought about what it’s like in
her mind to be there that night, to see the blood, to hear the
screams, to be up all night with the Beatle music playing through
her apartment window. …
And there’s something else I want to
say. I feel that I see John Lennon now not as a celebrity. I did
then. I saw him as a cardboard cutout on an album cover. I was very
young and stupid, and you get caught up in the media and the records
and the music. And now I – I’ve come to grips with the fact that
John Lennon was a person. This has nothing to do with being a Beatle
or a celebrity or famous. He was breathing, and I knocked him right
off his feet, and I don’t feel because of that I have any right to
be standing on my feet here, you know, asking for anything. I
don’t have a leg to stand on because I took his right out from
under him, and he bled to death. And I’m sorry that ever occurred.
And I want to talk about Mrs. Lennon
again. I can’t imagine her pain. I can’t feel it. I’ve tried
to think about what it would be like if somebody harmed my family,
and there’s just no way to make up for that, and if I have to stay
in prison the rest of my life for that one person’s pain,
everybody else to the side for a second, just that one person’s
pain, I will. …
Again, I’m not saying these things
for – for you to give me any kind of consideration for letting me
go. I’m saying that because they are real, and it happened to me,
and I felt her pain then, and I can honestly say I didn’t want to
feel it up until then. It’s a horrible thing to, you know, realize
what you’ve done.}
Statement of Mark
David Chapman to the New York
Parole Board, Oct. 3, 2000
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