Crime Library: Criminal Minds and Methods

Naked man was stuck with penis in pipe — for two days

When the whole thing was over, the man offered a very strange excuse for the very strange situation in which he was found, “It was hot so I was painting the wall in the nude, and I slipped on the floor causing my private parts to fall inside the pipe” He said he didn’t think anyone would believe him.

Hospital apologizes ‘unreservedly’ to man given accidental vasectomy

The actual quote, reportedly spoken by Dr. Peter Williams, Medical Director of the Royal Liverpool University Hospital is, “We have apologized unreservedly to the patient and we are offering him our full support.” The patient, however, may want a whole lot more than support.

Case of man who texted unsolicited photo of his tattooed penis disimissed

The case of a man who texted a woman an unwanted photo of his genitals tattooed with STRONG E nuf 4 A MAN BUT Made 4 A WOMAN, was dismissed because he sent the photo electronically, not by mail. For those of you now planning to get all crazy with the photos, this decision only applies in Georgia.

Today in Crime History: Pipefitter amputates own penis, blames woman

On December 5, 1997, Alan Hall, a 48-year-old pipefitter and Vietnam War veteran, was found by a passerby lying drenched in blood on the lawn in front of his trailer. After he was rushed to the hospital, it was discovered that his entire penis had been removed. Read about this and other “Crimes Below the Belt.”

Spanish man nearly loses penis in prostitute attack

After a fun night out drinking with friends in Malaga, Spain, a man reportedly decided to cap off a great night with a visit to a brothel. There he engaged the services of three prostitutes for group sex. When it was over, the women asked for their €70 ($95) each, but the John refused to pay them — big mistake.

Watch: Russian performance artist nails his nuts to the ground in Red Square

Performance are can be so inaccessible, but thanks to Pyotr Pavlensky, who was kind enough to explain his bizarre protest for the rest of us, we now know what he was trying to say, though not why he chose to express himself in that manner.

Police: Mother fixed son’s ripped scrotum with superglue, not very well

A San Antonio, Texas, mother is in custody after the U.S. Army and the FBI charged that she grabbed her son’s genitals and yanked them so hard that she ripped his scrotum. She did not seek medical attention, but tried to remedy the injury at home.

Your Daily Creepout: X-ray of man who forked himself for ‘gratification’

A man in Canberra, Australia, showed up in the emergency room in early August 2013, with “bleeding urethral meatus” and a 4-inch fork shoved up inside it.

Police: Florida Man Waved his Private Parts at Neighbor

Some people wag their fingers when making a point in an argument, others, like John Solomayar of Fort Pearce, Florida, it seems may wag their penis to punctuate an argument, according to police anyway.

Chinese ‘Ghostbuster’ Performs Exorcism with his Penis

Self-proclaimed “ghostbuster” Huang Jianjun of Guangzhou in China’s Guangdong Province, was arrested after allegedly performing an exorcism on a young woman’s vagina with his penis. The purported exorcism doesn’t seem to have gone so well for either of them.

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