Crime Library: Criminal Minds and Methods

Florida’s bare naked hamburglars still at large

They are being called “bare naked beef bandits,” “dumb, dumber and dumbest” and the naked “knuckleheads,” after being caught on surveillance camera making off with the beef, as if there wasn’t already enough “beef” between the three of them.

Video: Unidentified naked woman buys a naked lunch

It was a hot day in Krakow, Poland, when Cezar Zawadzki, 34, saw the naked woman enter the gas station convenience store, and recorded the surreal scene on his phone. Everyone else just did their best to act natural until she was gone. In fact, they were so stunned, it doesn’t seem that anyone contacted police.

Police report describes suspect as ‘tripping balls’

According to police, they responded to a call about a naked female on the loose. “The caller stated that she was intoxicated on drugs and ‘tripping balls.’” After she was treated at the hospital and came to, the woman admitted to having dropped acid with her boyfriend.

Man collared for riding child’s trike in the nude

When they found him he was chewing glass. He admitted to smoking cocaine — go figure.

Naked drunk woman shows up to jail for conjugal visit

It seems that even today, true love knows no bounds — especially after a seven-hour pub crawl.

Man arrested for getting mail nude, shaking his junk

It was a lazy Oklahoma City morning when neighbors reported seeing a man walk out to his mailbox in the buff, get the mail, and then begin masturbating for all to see. The first act was reportedly witnessed by a woman and her three children, ages 6, 10 and 12, and the second by a boy, 14, and police.

Another nude Florida guy attacks cops, this one with clock

Yes, clock, not Glock. Authorities in Florida seem to have their hands full with naked, rampaging psychos these days, the most recent of which, took them 10 minutes to cuff due to his mental state and the fact that he was fending them off with a “large clock, which had numerous sharp utensils protruding from its entire border.”

Naked driver was masturbating while texting

Back in August police in Chester, England, arrested Neal Marshall, 49, after a truck driver reported him driving his Ford Escort naked down the M56 while masturbating. His lawyer says he was texting and got “carried away.”

Naked racist peeing guy jumped out of hotel closet with fire extinguisher in his butt

An man in England was sentenced in Westminster Magistrates’ Court earlier this week for a Halloween stunt at a budget hotel in London, that no doubt left some of the Hotel’s more sensitive guests and staff in need of therapy. The headline pretty much says it all, but the play-by-play is priceless.

Slideshow: Busted in the buff

From a nude unicycle rider, to a robber wearing only chocolate, to an unclad couple in the drive through at McDonald’s, there are 8 million stories in the naked city…these are but a few.

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