Crime Library: Criminal Minds and Methods

Boy, 10, crashes car, explains he is actually a dwarf who forgot his license

Early Wednesday a boy, 10, decided to take his 18-month-old sister and the car, and drive to grandma’s house. Never mind that the roads were snowy and grandma lived nearly 40 miles away. So while his parents slept, he loaded his sister into the car and began the drive. He didn’t get very far.

Slideshow: Identifying marks

They say there are two kinds of people in the world: people with tattoos, and those who are afraid of people with tattoos.

Florida school calls bomb squad on suspicious pillows

The Somerset Preparatory Charter Middle School in Miramar, Florida, went into lockdown on Tuesday morning after seeing an unidentified woman place an item on the side of the road near the school, a sinister item, a plaid shopping bag.

Video: How not to parallel park

Please note, even though this parking job was not performed by a professional stunt driver on a closed course, do not try this at home.

Listen: Who says official announcements have to be boring?

It’s hard to think of a duller medium than the prerecorded announcement. The content is usually important, but dry. James Detwiler, Principal, recently reflected, “We want our students to see that there are fun ways to use technology and social media to be creative,” so this announcement he sung to the tune of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. Enjoy.

Neighbors report screaming domestic assault, police find mating hogs

What sounded, alarmingly, like a person screaming in pain, turned out not to be the Silence of the Lambs, but the gleeful mating of the pigs.

Photo: Banned toileting behaviour at Sochi Oylmpics

Let’s face it, when trying to get large numbers of people from different ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds to follow one set of rules, you simply cannot have enough signage. Toilet signage tweeted by snowboarder Sebastian Toutant from the Sochi Olympics would seem to prove this point, but what does it say?

Cow massager ignites gas from 90 flatulent cows, blows barn roof

According to police in Germany, a January 27 barn fire in Rasdorf, Germany, was caused by a massive cow-fart explosion. It seems that the methane emitted by the gassy animals built up in the barn until “a static electric charge caused the gas to explode with flashes of flames.”

Watch: Video posted by robbed store owner mocks robber’s technique

This video, with renditions of the Mission Impossible theme song and Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody on kazoo, was published by the owner of a robbed Texas electronics store, who thought the job was very unprofessional, commenting “Our store got broken into. Judging from the surveillance video the thief doesn’t seem to be highly skilled in his area.”

Police: Drunk woman parked self — and remains of car — in jail lot

Early Monday morning, according to Gainesville, FL., police, Brielle Watkins was intoxicated when she drove her smashed Ford Escape, minus one whole rear tire, into the county jail, but why did she do it?