Crime Library: Criminal Minds and Methods

Watch: Would-be firebomber steps on own bomb

Police in Houston, Texas, are searching for man, who firebombed a car early on March 12, 2014, and set himself on fire in the process. After appearing on surveillance camera with a lit firebomb, the suspect has so much trouble smashing the car window that he steps on his own incendiary device, setting it and his pants let aflame.

Thief steals car, runs out of gas, calls owner for money

A thief in Norway deserves some sort of prize for executing the most ill-conceived car theft, possibly in history. He stole a car with no gas, no money, no license, and donning a reflective safety vest, called the owners for help.

Man tries to pay tab with trillion-dollar bill

A South Carolina man surprised the folks at Applebee’s when he tried to settle his Valentine’s Day bill with a $1 trillion note after his debit card was declined. There is no word on what his date thought of the whole thing.

Video: Teller laughs at distracted robber who brought meat cleaver to bank

In the past we have brought you stories of people falling off cliffs, and walking into canals while talking on their cell phones, but today we present a young man who set out to rob a bank, announced his intention to the teller, but became so absorbed in a call that he was easily disarmed.

Man stole vehicle to be on time for court date for stealing vehicle

They say people learn from their mistakes, but what exactly a person may or may not learn could surprise you.

Video: Smoking thief stealing gas sets cars, self on fire

No matter how much you may think you want a nicotine fix, sparking one up around an open container of gas is not worth it. The man shown in this video from Millicent, Australia, reportedly lit up a cigarette and then punched a hole in a car’s gas tank. He was found alive, with burns on his legs. He should’ve brought gum.

Incriminating ‘selfies’ help collar not-so-smart catburglar

Florida man Depree Johnson, convicted felon and alleged jewel thief, got himself collared when he posted a bunch of photos of himself on Instagram posing with cash, guns, and stolen jewelry. Though he may not have the best temperament for a thief, Johnson may have a future in photography.

Feds: Late for a hearing, defendant threatened to blow up courthouse

There has to be a better way to postpone a hearing if you’re the defendant and you’re late. Sure, there are bound to be consequences, like a pissed off judge, being held in contempt, but fessing up to running late has got to be better than threatening to blow up the courthouse.

Mugshot of the day: Left his ID at the scene

Meet Kenneth Spangle, 62, sentenced to 262 months in prison for a 2012 bank robbery in Placentia, California. With a stocking over his head, he yelled, waved a fake gun and got about $10,000. He ditched his clothes near the bank, but left his ID with them. When arrested, in disgust he reportedly asked the officer to shoot him.

Slideshow: World’s dumbest criminals

From the flasher in a bookstore for the blind, to the inebriated robber who can’t find the way out of the home he is robbing, to the guy who tried to cash a forged check for $1,000,000, these cases prove inconclusively that you just can’t fix stupid.

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