Crime Library: Criminal Minds and Methods

Police officer finds squirrel in dollar store, responds with lethal force

Last month Mountain City police got a call from the local Dollar General about a squirrel in the store. An employee had tried several times to get the disruptive animal out of the store and was seeking help from animal control. The animal control officer was out, so police dispatched a police officer instead — mistake.

Owner Ticketed for Walking ‘Wheelchair’ Bound Cat Unleashed

It seems that authorities in Florida have nothing better to do than ticket handicapped pussycats frolicking in the grass. It’s bad enough that they have clawed, aggressive ducks attacking the elderly at ponds, Diamondback rattlesnakes biting turtle rescuers and large pythons slithering around eating two cats at a time, but disabled pets must be leashed.

California Man Confesses to Stealing Cat While Drunk, Tries to Return it

So what do you do when you sober up only to find that the cute stray cat you thought you were rescuing on your way home last night actually has a collar, a name and probably a worried owner? Why, feed the cat cheese and place the following ad on Craigslist, of course.

Police in Western Australia in Search of Drunken Pig

Police in Port Hedland, Western Australia, are reportedly searching for a pig that broke into a camping couple’s cooler during the night and drank 18 of their beers. He may be irritable, hungover and probably has a pounding headache.

Over 1.5 Million Roaches Released from Breeding Facility in China

Everyone in Dafeng, China, in the eastern province of Jiangsu has a non-stop case of the “willies” after over 1.5 million cockroaches were released from a breading facility into the surrounding area. Officials from the department of disease control are still trying to figure out how to kill them all.

It’s a Bad Week to Be a Dog

As the dog days of summer drag on, police around the country are investigating several senseless canine killings.

Turkey: Israeli Bird Cleared of Spying Allegations and Released

Authorities in Turkey have officially cleared a bird that they had detained amidst allegations that the little guy was spying for Israel. Strangely, this is not the first time they have examined a bird that they suspected of spying for the Israelis. As far as is known, no bats or large flying insects have yet been detained as spies.

Man’s Best Friend in the News: Two Heroes, Two Victims

An Oregon man executes his dog for pooping in the house, a California woman finds a headless, disemboweled dog in her car, and two very special dogs are hailed as heroes in this canine crime-news roundup.

Dog Drives Car, Hits Pedestrian

Police in Pennsylvania received a call about a dog, whose name has not been released, that was left unattended in a car and managed to get the vehicle into drive. They are not saying if this was an attempt on the dog’s part to take the car out for a joyride.

Prosecutor: Groundhog Purposely Deceived the Public

The week of March 18, 2013, Butler County, Ohio prosecutor, Mike Gmoser filed a lighthearted, though very real, criminal complaint against the groundhog Punxsutawney Phil for predicting an early spring, when we are obviously still very much in the throes of winter.

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