Crime Library: Criminal Minds and Methods

Naked racist peeing guy jumped out of hotel closet with fire extinguisher in his butt

An man in England was sentenced in Westminster Magistrates’ Court earlier this week for a Halloween stunt at a budget hotel in London, that no doubt left some of the Hotel’s more sensitive guests and staff in need of therapy. The headline pretty much says it all, but the play-by-play is priceless.

Joseph Small, 20, must’ve been having a very good time when, on the fourth floor of the Premier Inn in Leicester Square, he suddenly stripped buck naked, grabbed the fire extinguisher, rammed the hose up his butt and began pleasuring himself. At one point he hid in a utility closet, with the fire extinguisher, and later emerged, still naked, fire extinguisher hose still in place. A member of the hotel’s staff wrapped Small in a towel and escorted him to the lobby. On the way Small seems to have urinated on the carpet and on the elevator door.

Once in the lobby he thanked the staff by yelling, ”This country has been taken over by Al-Qaeda – go back to Pakistan.” He also called one officer “Turkish,” another “Romanian, and a third a “pedo,” before peeing on the carpet in the lobby and announcing to the horrified hotel guests, ”I come from Sheffield in England!”

Reports do not say whether or not alcohol was involved.

In the end, the night’s romp, that incidentally Small does not remember at all, wound up in arrest for outraging public decency, racially aggravated harassment, and damage to property — as well as, we are guessing, several fire code violations.

In court he told District Judge Elizabeth Roscoe how “truly ashamed he was,” assuring her that “I have friends from all different ethnic backgrounds.”

Small was sentenced to a nine-month supervisory probation, and to five weeks of electronic curfew between midnight and 6 a.m.

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