Crime Library: Criminal Minds and Methods

Man Accused of Rubbing Buttered Toast on Woman’s Car

Christopher Brannon

Christopher Brannon

According to Murphy’s Law, toast will always land butter side down. But if the toast is found butter side down on the windshield of someone else’s SUV? Well, that’s where actual law comes in.

Christopher Brannon, 34, of Union, S.C., is facing a charge of malicious damage to property for causing a whopping $1 worth of damage to his neighbor’s SUV by allegedly smearing buttered toast on it.

The vehicle owner called police, and when they arrived, some crackerjack crime scene investigation turned up a piece of toast on the ground and a greasy film on the car’s rear windshield.

Despite the heinous (and inexplicable) act of which he is accused, Brannon was released on his own recognaizance. It’s unclear what prompted him to rub his breakfast on a woman’s car, but we’re sure the neighbors will be talking about it for months.

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