Crime Library: Criminal Minds and Methods

Man Calls Cops on Ugly Prostitute

A man in Birmingham, England, has been issued a warning by police after he reportedly called 999 on June 11, 2013, at around 7:30 p.m. to report an ugly prostitute for lying to him about being pretty.

According to a police spokesman “A 999 call was received from a man wishing to complain about a sex worker he had met in a hotel car park. The caller claimed that the woman had made out that she was better looking than she actually was and he wished to report her for breaching the Sale of Goods Act.” Essentially he was accusing the prostitute of false advertising.

Unsurprisingly, “when he raised this issue with the woman concerned, she allegedly took his car keys, ran away from the car and threw them back at him, prompting him to call police.” Once on the line with a female operator, he said, “I think she’s calmed down now she’s got her knickers in a twist.”

The operator asked, irritated, “What’s happened then? Something’s obviously happened.”

To which the man replied, “What’s happened is basically this woman she’s like basically advertised in the newspaper for like private services like massages and stuff. … I arranged to meet with her. … But beforehand I have asked for a description of her — give me an honest description otherwise when I get there I’m not going to use your services. … She’s mis-described and misrepresented herself totally. … She was angry — she thinks I owe her a living or something.”

At this point the emergency operator wisely hung up on the guy.

A Sgt. Jerome Moran, who tweeted about his surreal conversation with the unidentified man, called the man back to clarify that the only crime committed was solicitation of a prostitute: “It was unbelievable; he genuinely believed he had done nothing wrong and that the woman should have been investigated by police for misrepresentation. I told him that she’d not committed any offences and that it was his actions, in soliciting for sex, that were in fact illegal. Unhappy with the response, he then insisted on coming down to the police station to debate the matter.”

In lieu of further legal debate over the matter, Moran, who had figured out who the man was, mailed him a letter alerting him that wasting police time is also a crime — punishable by a maximum six months in prison.

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