For those of us who weren’t entirely sure, it’s true: Summer is finally here. How do we know? Because students all over the world, who would otherwise have been safely locked away from the rest of us engaged in their studies, are out blowing off steam, causing mayhem and getting arrested for it.
May 19, 2013: University of Colorado undergrad Taylor Powers was celebrating her new-found post-exam freedom by hiking and “shrooming” with her roomies, while away from it all on a Colorado mountaintop. Psychedelic mushrooms are tricky things though, and you never really know how someone will react to them. Taylor, for example, stripped off all her clothes and totally freaked out. Her two roommates tried to restrain her and called 911. Once up the mountain, which took about 20 minutes from the time the 911 call was made, it took the 35 responders two hours to cuff her, strap her to a litter, get her down the mountain and to the hospital where she was treated and released. Taylor was issued a summons for unlawful consumption of a controlled substance, while charges against her partners in crime are pending.
May 16, 2013: Georgia Gwinnett undergrad Aftab Aslam feared his parents’ reaction to his having failed English, again. So he thought that maybe giving them something really bad to worry about, would help put things in perspective. Aftab faked his own kidnapping on April 27, and three days later sent a text message to his parents from a burner phone saying that Aftab had been taken and would be killed if they called the police. Naturally, they called the police, who called the FBI. Aftab showed up safe and sound eight days later with a wild tale of being drugged and held prisoner. His parents were no doubt happy to see him, despite his having failed English for the second time.
Investigators, however, figured out that he had purchased the phone that had sent the text message, and then camped out in a field for eight days. Aftab decided he’d had enough when “the weather turned cold and rainy,” and returned home. When they arrested him he reportedly confessed to the whole scheme. Aftab is charged with three felony counts each of making a false statement, tampering with evidence, making terroristic threats, is being held without bond — and he failed English, again.
Polish engineering student Kondrat Jaworski, 23, had had enough beers with his friends in celebration of the end of exams that it became necessary to make the journey to the nearest porta-potty. His friends thought it would be funny to tip over the portable toilet while he was relieving himself, and no doubt they had a good laugh at his expense when he emerged covered in the foul contents of the toilet. Kondrat, however, landed on his head, was hit in the head by the toilet seat and got a big cut on his head that was also covered in the foul contents of the toilet. His ordeal didn’t end there, ”I then had to try and pull my trousers up in the dark and find the door lock.” Police are studying cell phone photos of the prank in efforts to identify the pranksters, who they plan to charge with assault and vandalism.