Crime Library: Criminal Minds and Methods

Violent, Naked Carnie Rampages Through Florida Home Pooping and Masturbating

You might not realize it, dear readers, but we here at the Crime Library tirelessly search the Internet each day to bring you the selection of compelling cases we do. So a case like this is for us truly a gift that makes the many offenses of other drugged-out, naked perpetrators seem lackluster by comparison — not that we’re condoning any sort of competition.

Gregory Matthew Bruni

Gregory Matthew Bruni

The bizarre rampage of Gregory Matthew Bruni, 21, began on January 21, 2013, around 6:30 p.m. when a butt-naked carnival worker Bruni, who was obviously under the influence of something, landed with a crash on the roof of the North Fort Meyers, Florida, home of Tony and LaDonna Land. When the couple ran outside to investigate, Bruni launched himself off the roof using Tony Land to break his fall, and ran into the couple’s home. While Bruni tore the 72-inch TV off the wall and broke it, the couple armed themselves, LaDonna with a .38 and Tony with his shotgun. Bruni took evasive maneuvers overturning a full wet/dry vacuum in the process and dumping the contents all over. LaDonna fired three shots, which harmlessly hit the wall next to Bruni, who dropped to the ground and began masturbating. While the couple called 911, Bruni ran into their son’s room and began rubbing the boy’s clothing all over his face. He also seems to have taken the opportunity to poop on the floor by the front door and in the hallway before deputies arrived.

Needless to say, responders had a tough time detaining the flailing, babbling Bruni, who at one point sucked up the contents of the wet/dry vac only to spit them out at his pursuers. Even after being apprehended, Bruni kept trying to make a run for it until deputies finally tased him. He was dropped off at a local psych ward for observation, while doctors tried to figure out “what Bruni was on,” according to the police report.

Bruni is facing charges of damage to property, burglary, battery and resisting an officer.

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Slideshow: Gross Misconduct

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